When we think of the power of love we most often think of passion, happiness and all the pleasure that is possible. Yet we know we feel the power of love in the realest and most tangible way, when we are struggling through tough times. Taking the risk to love and seek love is more real in those times more than any other. Love Conquers All is viewed as a cliché, a seemingly trite statement that is brought into the darkest of moments to bring a shred of light. When we contemplate the thought more deeply, we are able to see the truth of it.
When we speak of love what we are really speaking about is relationship. For love involves a heart. Yes, we say we love our homes, our passions, our belongings, yet actually we value them. We love people. We love other breathing entities that are full of life. Yes we love animals, because we are in relationship with them. There is an exchange of energy, and exchange of emotion…
In tough times it is hard to maintain relationships with our selves and others, hence a sense of love becomes elusive. The demands of trying times divert energy that is normally used to foster love, to solving problems, prioritizing resources and managing time. The tactical becomes more real and in turn our emotional needs are often the last priority, when in fact they should be the most important.
We focus out side of ourselves and allow our personal needs to be put to the side. The people around us are also in that same mode. It is easier to share a chore, cook a meal or give a ride, than to share, often times, painful feelings that go along with the hard times.
We look at the painful feelings as weakness, yet it is the honesty of these feelings that brings people closer together and strengthens the love between us.
Being able to share painful feelings requires a level of self love.
Self love you ask?? Yes, Being able to expose our vulnerabilities requires a level of self love that goes unrecognized as such. Being able to open your self up and allow yourself to be seen is an act of self love. It is an expression of the need to be loved. In all actuality, that expression can only come from self love.
How many times have we heard, “I do not love myself.” We have all said it. As a coach, I hear it from clients all the time. It is a strange thing. Yet here they are, investing in them selves and seeking support, this in it self is an act of self love as well.
Selflove is the most under valued version of love. We know all about “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We generally focus on the first half, forgetting that the first half is predicated on the skill of the second half.
The love of self becomes evident when we are able to reach out beyond our selves and seek the love and support of others. For without self love, we are often unable to see the value of going out of ourselves for what we need.
Worthiness comes into play as we begin to explore the concept of self-love and self respect. We look at our past experiences in order to gauge our worthiness. We naturally ask ourselves, “Did this person love us?” “Did that person support us?”, “Have I received what I deserved?” So many elements come into play as we look at our own worthiness, no less the worthiness of others.
In giving and receiving love, worthiness is a factor that we as humans have a hard time conceiving. Of course we say to ourselves, “Everyone is worthy of love!” Aren’t they??
Here is the challenge! How do we look at ourselves as worthy of love, and how do we see others as worthy of love. For healthy and balanced relationships to happen, our sense of self love MUST be in the mix! Our ability to ask for help, love, and acceptance is the beginning of love flowing to others. As we reach out to ask, we give others permission to give to us, as well as tell them we love them because we trust them enough to ask for it.
Giving and receiving, in the right proportions is the cycle of love. Both people must love themselves enough to receive as well as to give.
The Dali Lama expresses it well, “When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. And there are ways in which we can consciously work to develop feelings of love and kindness.”
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