Does Love Working in Marriage?

Every wedding seems to come with endless checklists of tasks: reserve the church and reception hall; send invitations; schedule the photographer, caterer, flowers and decorations; choose the wedding gown; and make the hair appointment, to name a few.

Now you've done all the work for the wedding. Are you ready for the work of marriage? But how can it be work? Pop culture tells us, all you need is love. In one sense, pop culture is right: Love is all you need, but only if, as researcher Gary Chapman explains, “love is a verb.” If couples are to meet the challenges and stresses of life, then “love has to be more than something we feel. It has to be something we do.”

Unfortunately, we often think of love as a noun:

Sex Problems in Men

Talking about it, that is, not engaging in it. The survey says baby boomers – 76 million of them – are the unhappiest Americans when it comes to having sex. And I thought Viagra, Cialis and Levitra solved their problems.

Only 7 percent of the people between 45 and 65 say they are satisfied with their sex lives, the pollsters say. Two in five men say they're having problems performing, despite the "assistance" of available drugs. Only 19 percent of the women report the same, but they don't have to work so hard at having sex. Right?

Who Want Sex More: Women or Men

Here we go again - we're being presented with another sweeping generalisation. Let's set the record straight - not all men constantly think of sex, and not all women constantly try to avoid sex. We do not have a perpetual headache, and men don't keep their brains in their boxer shorts. Now we've got that out of the way, let's address the question in hand.

What Women Love & Hate in Anal Sex

Anal sex is just one of those things: She either loves it, or she hates it. There is very little in between. Most women have tried it at some point, and a fair few of them will never dare again despite their hankering to be one of the "lucky ones" who love anal sex. The reason for this avoidance is clear: pain. If there was no pain, there was probably pleasure. Hence, love or hate.

Love Yourself and Love Others

When we think of the power of love we most often think of passion, happiness and all the pleasure that is possible. Yet we know we feel the power of love in the realest and most tangible way, when we are struggling through tough times. Taking the risk to love and seek love is more real in those times more than any other.

Love Conquers All is viewed as a cliché, a seemingly trite statement that is brought into the darkest of moments to bring a shred of light. When we contemplate the thought more deeply, we are able to see the truth of it.

When we speak of love what we are really speaking about is relationship. For love involves a heart. Yes, we say we love our homes, our passions, our belongings, yet actually we value them. We love people. We love other breathing entities that are full of life. Yes we love animals, because we are in relationship with them. There is an exchange of energy, and exchange of emotion…

In tough times it is hard to maintain relationships with our selves and others, hence a sense of love becomes elusive. The demands of trying times divert energy that is normally used to foster love, to solving problems, prioritizing resources and managing time. The tactical becomes more real and in turn our emotional needs are often the last priority, when in fact they should be the most important.

We focus out side of ourselves and allow our personal needs to be put to the side. The people around us are also in that same mode. It is easier to share a chore, cook a meal or give a ride, than to share, often times, painful feelings that go along with the hard times.

We look at the painful feelings as weakness, yet it is the honesty of these feelings that brings people closer together and strengthens the love between us.

Being able to share painful feelings requires a level of self love.

Self love you ask?? Yes, Being able to expose our vulnerabilities requires a level of self love that goes unrecognized as such. Being able to open your self up and allow yourself to be seen is an act of self love. It is an expression of the need to be loved. In all actuality, that expression can only come from self love.

How many times have we heard, “I do not love myself.” We have all said it. As a coach, I hear it from clients all the time. It is a strange thing. Yet here they are, investing in them selves and seeking support, this in it self is an act of self love as well.

Selflove is the most under valued version of love. We know all about “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We generally focus on the first half, forgetting that the first half is predicated on the skill of the second half.

The love of self becomes evident when we are able to reach out beyond our selves and seek the love and support of others. For without self love, we are often unable to see the value of going out of ourselves for what we need.

Worthiness comes into play as we begin to explore the concept of self-love and self respect. We look at our past experiences in order to gauge our worthiness. We naturally ask ourselves, “Did this person love us?” “Did that person support us?”, “Have I received what I deserved?” So many elements come into play as we look at our own worthiness, no less the worthiness of others.

In giving and receiving love, worthiness is a factor that we as humans have a hard time conceiving. Of course we say to ourselves, “Everyone is worthy of love!” Aren’t they??

Here is the challenge! How do we look at ourselves as worthy of love, and how do we see others as worthy of love. For healthy and balanced relationships to happen, our sense of self love MUST be in the mix! Our ability to ask for help, love, and acceptance is the beginning of love flowing to others. As we reach out to ask, we give others permission to give to us, as well as tell them we love them because we trust them enough to ask for it.

Giving and receiving, in the right proportions is the cycle of love. Both people must love themselves enough to receive as well as to give.

The Dali Lama expresses it well, “When we feel love and kindness towards others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. And there are ways in which we can consciously work to develop feelings of love and kindness.”

Make Time for Your Relationship

"We don’t have to wait till Valentine's Day to think about relationships, whether we're in one or would like to be. Most people would agree that romance is the key element beneath the relationship pot.

Be it a steamy, sizzling wok or a warm, steady slow-cooker, romance is the flame that generally gets-and keeps-the heat of love alive. But what exactly is "romance"?

When my wife and I were dating, we were ultra-romantic in the usual sense of the word. There were roses, love letters, surprise gifts, spontaneous adventures, and hours upon hours of talking and... you know, that other stuff.

To be honest, though, some of the initial romantic heat has cooled off a bit. Like couples everywhere, we find ourselves pressured by the demands of daily life: work, children, finances, household chores and commitments to extended family.

Yet, through all our years together, we have somehow found a way to balance these things.

And while our definition of romance has changed somewhat according to our altered circumstances, we still manage to keep our relationship fresh and exciting. White-hot all-consuming passion has melted into love, consideration and affection.

But most of all, romance for us has become a way of making the ""everyday"" exciting. It doesn't take a lot of money or effort - just a commitment to making our relationship special by paying attention to it and a willingness to make.

Remember that only romance keeps the spark alive.

It keeps a relationship vital and interesting. And... it takes time!

Nurturing your relationship, enhancing it, and keeping it flourishing takes time, which is all too precious for many couples.

But by establishing priorities and setting goals, by making better use of the time you have, and by creating time you thought you didn't have, you CAN find more time for each other.

The first thing to do is prioritize!

You can spend your time in one of four ways, doing things that are:

• Important and urgent (such as caring for your child that has fallen down and is bleeding);
• Important but not urgent (sitting together sharing about your day);
• Not important but urgent (taking your suit for dry cleaning, before tomorrow's meeting);
• Not important and not urgent (switching on the TV and zapping between the channels).

When you look at all your time-consuming tasks, let go of any task that is not important.

By focusing most of your time on doing what is important but not urgent, you can eliminate a lot of the crises (important and urgent) as well as the unimportant things. Your perspective on what

constitutes ""urgent"" will also change. Here are a few important, but not urgent, activities to put high on your priority list:

1. Have a regular daily chat.

Turn off the TV and the cell phone and sit together for a short time, uninterrupted and face-to-face, every day to share your thoughts and feelings. Tell each other the little details as well as the big news. Focusing on each other for as little as fifteen minutes can make a huge difference. You will both feel appreciated and heard.

2. Spend one evening together each week.

Plan a specific night each week for your special date. Get a babysitter or trade childcare time with a friend. Once scheduled, treat the commitment as if it were written in stone. Don't break the date!

Take turns planning the activity (and occasionally surprise each other). Take in a movie, go for a bike ride, have a bubble bath, dancein your kitchen. Whether it's a dress-up home-cooked meal or a picnic dinner on the living room floor, make it special. It doesn't have to be expensive, just generous.

3. Spend some "day" time together.

Get up earlier than normal and have breakfast together at a coffee shop. Commute together if at all possible. Meet at lunchtime for a quiet meal or a "stolen moment".

Rendezvous after work for a drink and an appetizer before dinner. Meet at a park for a walk in the fresh air.

You'll be surprised how lively conversation can become when you're meeting in the middle of the day, away from the household chores.

The anticipation of a planned evening or activity can be fun and exciting, even if (especially if!) you've been together for a long time.

By making a date, you'll set aside the special time your relationship deserves and rediscover the romance that started it all."